Dear Tyra, Stoppit.

Warning. This is a rant. Nothing eloquent. Now we all know that Tyra's completely over the top and dramatic but she has also been making moves for herself, especially where hair care is concerned. Her episode on hair involving black children, more specifically black little girls was sad but horribly truthful. It happens. However, early this evening my lovely roomie, T, shared with me a very troubling video. Naturalistas will understand and e'rebody else...well I'll try to explain. In order to do this, I've drawn up a short list of things wrong with the single video that I saw that lasted all of one minute and about 40 seconds. One hundred minutes of video actually had me upset enough with Tyra and her minion to spawn an entire blog post. Brava, Tyra. Brava.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omoDDCOgcQl

1.First of all, this lady that has told us she's a "professional" has see-through edges. Like as in I can see her scalp through her hair. As a "professional", I'd hope you'd know how to take care of your business before trying to give me tips on managing mine. No, miss lady. No.

2. Secondly, I'd like to be superduper mean and say that this lady either has a speech impediment that she's trying really hard not to let show, or she's reading off of cards. I understand that you want everyone to understand you so yo enunciate ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. However, you just come off as weird, unnatural and having some issues that require a class on public speaking. Tyra, you should have found a better spokeswoman.

3. What exactly was the production value? I mean, this lady is probably just in front of a sheet in Tyra's house but you could at least have have made sure we knew it had 1000 thread count and was made of the finest Egyptian cotton. I think even Bin Laden's videos had better scenery and a far better prop master. At least try to make us seem like you put some kind of effort into this instead of realizing at the last minute that you had another segment to do.

4. Personally, I wanted her to show us exactly what her hair would look like after using all of this madness on her hair. If you're going to spew all this crap at me, at least provide me with a before and after shot just so I know that if my hair ends up looking like yours, I've clearly made a wrong turn on the road to fabulousness.

5. Nowhere, during my learning about styling natural hair have I seen any of the lovely women on Youtube use curling iron on their hair without a roller set or anything else less invasive. She makes it sound like this is safe for your hair...without a real heat protectant and is safe to do often. Maaaaybe she didn't mean it that way, but it certainly didn't seem like it.

And now for my biggest problem with this:
6. You want me to leave this curling iron on my hair for how long? 60 seconds? I'm pretty sure hair or any texture would at least begin to disintegrate. Even in my most extreme phase of flat ironing my hair, I did not leave it on there for an entire minute at a time and just wait for it to burn off. What hair stylist do you know that subscribes to such ideals and still manages to keep clientele with healthy heads of hair. No, it's ok. I'll wait. None? Didn't think so.

I almost feel like someone gave this woman a wikipaedia page on how to handle natural hair. But not a good one. Like one of those pages written by complete morons.

Thus I have come to this conclusion: Tyra and Miss "professional" type lady, I'd like you both to sit down and shaddap! Leave natural hair to actual professionals and the absolutely fabulous women on Youtube. Please and thank you.

Note: In the middle of writing this post and trying to view the rest of the posted videos, they were made private. Funny eh? I'll assume Tyra took a hint from the pissedthehelloffcannotbelieveshesinsultinguslikethis truthful comments made on her videos. Thanks Tyra. It's appreciated but please, call somebody else for natural hair tips!

#19 on the list of Crap They neglect To Tell You About Post-College Life

#19 on the list of Crap They Neglect To Tell You About Post-College Life: You'll really really miss your roommates at extremely strange times.

Roommates are kind of like built in safeguards for bad relationship decisions, homework help, watching Criminal Minds (and really bad movies), bad hair days and your own personal fashion consultants especially when two are fellow music majors and one was a fashion major. Yeah. My roomies have all been kick-ass artsy hotties. What can I say? We roll deep yo. Anyway, since I no longer live with them, they're no longer my own personal mirrors to present outfits and the spoils of recent shopping trips. Be that as it may, I've found a new way to get through to my lovelies...and whomever else may be lurking. So here you are. Post #1 on my shopping spoils...

Okay look. It's not a new idea but this was my first attempt at putting it into practice. Instead of going to uber-cheap, soul-sucking, fringe-putting-on-everything Forever 21 why not try the neighborhood thrift store. Everyone knows that I'm pretty hooked on the wonders that lurk beneath the grime of the thrift store on route 38 and despite my love for it, even I had fallen victim to trend-lust. More specifically, I'd fallen in love with the midi length chiffon skirt. Don't ask why, I just did. The way they flow and flutter in the wind or the way they can go perfectly with a t-shirt and still manage me make me look feminine. Hang on. Even the cheapie ones on Forever 21 start at $15. Okay $15 for an investment piece or a classic closet staple is one thing. A gamble that starts at $15 a pop that I'm not sure about isn't exactly a wise decision. So, I decided on the next best thing. My wonderful grunge laden, funny smelling thrift store for the super cheap opportunity to try out a recent trend. And it's even better when the thrift store pays off.

Not sure you can tell from the picture but this thing was a win on so many fronts. It's black which means it not only will with everything I can wear it to work. Score. Plus, it's got pleats (which I do love) but they aren't severe or super sharp which keeps the skirt floaty and soft. And on top of that, it's washer safe, thank goodness! On the downside, it was a little big so I had to pin it and belt but you can't really tell and it's incredibly sheer which means either biking shorts, tights or a slip underneath. And besides none of those things really matter because I got to scratch my trend itch AND I spend exactly $1.50. Beat that.

“Contagion.” Not bad. Not mad I paid for it.

Steven Soderbergh has always brought a unique visual style to his films from “Oceans Eleven” to “Erin Brockovich” to “Traffic” not to mention “The Informant.” In fact, I didn’t realize quite how much I admired his work until I looked through his IMDB page. But I digress. Anyway, my lovely friend, A and I were both very excited to see this film mainly because of the commercials and the exceptional cast.

Let me say this. This was not by any stretch a bad movie or even a mediocre film. The pacing for the first hour was phenomenal, the visual style was engaging and the wealth of talent in that cast was considerable. Literally, every scene presents a new incredible actor from Marion Cotilliard, (“La Vie En Rose”) Matt Damon, (sexy in the Bourne series) and Laurence Fishburn, (Othello) to Sanaa Lathan (AVP) and Jude Law (Sherlock Holmes) plus Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad). Exactly how much of the budget was spent on cast salaries??? Oops, another slight detour!

Anyway, despite the fact that the last 20 minutes dragged a bit, that wasn’t the actual issue. It was actually how underused the cast was. The biggest asset (the cast) to this film was giving it the most problems. These are engaging actors but the script gave very little room for actual character development and forming emotional bonds with these characters was tricky simply because there wasn’t enough time. There were so many characters to pay attention to while simultaneously paying attention to the conflicts and progression of the story. There was a lot to digest and sadly the phenomenal cast didn’t always get the time they deserved.

All in all, I dub this film worthy of not only the ticket money I bled for, but I will definitely buy this on DVD for the film and the special features. Whereas it didn’t resort to the same kind of overblown theatrics that its pathogen predecessor, “Outbreak” did, “Contagion” was still a good film and well worth seeing especially if you’re interested in the political and scientific steps taken when a disease threatens the population and the dangers of fear and mass panic that can and does effect the healthy. Okay, sounds boring when you say it like that, but either way, you should watch it.

Trailer Rundown

Trailer Rundown
So everybody knows that the additional treat that goes with going to the movies are the previews. It’s especially nice when you get paid to record them. Attached to the prestigiously cast film “Contagion” were 5 previews of films that I’d love to see in one venue or another. Observe.
1. Killer Elite: Jason Statham, Clive Owen and Robert DeNiro. Awesome cast but Statham’s films are never guaranteed to be awesome. Fun? Yes. Absurd? Always. Worth money I’ve bled over. Surely not. Final decision: Looks like a good Redbox candidate.
2. 50/50: A cancer comedy. I mean, cancer is one of those things where you have to either laugh or cry and after the millions of depressing cancer films, I’m actually hopeful that taking a cue from Showtime’s “The Big C” humorous approach will pay off and even if it’s dismal, I’ll still get to look at Joseph Gordon Levitt.
3. The Thing: So the same producers who got a hold of “Dawn of the Dead” are taking a crack at this classic paranoia story…in its third re-incarnation. Whereas they’re promising this to be a prequel, I still don’t think it’ll quite be able to live up to its predecessors.
4. Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows: Listen. I loved the first film. Loved it. Still do. Therefore, I will pay my blood money to see this in theaters. Loved Noomi Rapace in the original version of the Millenium Series films plus Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law had incredible chemistry on the first trip. God willing, we won’t have to only rely on their chemistry and animal magnetism to carry the film and ex-Mr. Madonna will deliver another stylish, energized romp with everyone’s eccentric sleuth.
5. The Dark Knight Rises: Look, I’ve been committed to this franchise since I was a toddler. Thus, I will be seeing this film no matter how confident I am that this cannot live up to its predecessor. They’ll really need to sell me on Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle, I’ma pray Tom Hardy will have his shirt off often as Bane and if Christian Bale growls throughout this movie, both he and Christopher Nolan will receive an angry vulgar soundbite from moi. Oh you’ll get my blood money but, no growling Christian. You’ve been warned.

Well, I have plenty to look forward to in the next few months. Yup, I'll be researching ways to sell my plasma to pay for my movie tickets...but
I'll pretty happy about it.

The Crow Remake. For this, someone will pay.

Nothing is original these days. Most things are referential in some way or another and that's not always bad. Critics are saying that we're far less prone to create than to copy and they may be on to something. Retro fashions are back en vogue again with some hipsters looking like they got dressed via a 1962 catalog instead of as a 20 year old in the 21st century. Even music is highly referential with the retro sounding Adele and the late great Amy Winehouse topping the charts. Now, these are (and were) great performers and artists in their own right with incredible voices and writing abilities but making references to ages long gone and using it to create your own sound is one thing. However, blatant reproduction pisses me off. Enter Hollywood.

We all get that films are a huge financial gamble and that commercial films are supposed to make money. Like anyone else, Hollywood big wigs want a sure thing. Come clean though, because honestly who doesn't? But don't, for the love of all things holy, sacred and grungy, take a cult classic like "The Crow" and think you can do it better. That film was made at the right time, had the perfect dark and moody feel and one of the most tragic backstories ever. You cannot fabricate that kind of story or replicate the kind of effect it had on an audience not to mention the built in publicity. So exactly what powerful medications do you think execs were on to think that Bradley Cooper, Mark Wahlberg, or Channing Tatum could do a better job in the titular role. No, it's fine. I'll wait. What did you come up with? Nothing powerful enough, I take it. Unless someone communed with the ghost of Brandon Lee and he's given you explicit instructions on how to one up his death before shooting even finished, there's no fragging way this is going to be a socially acceptable decision. And while we're on the subject of announced bad remakes, Judge Dredd? Really? I'm not sure even Karl Urban's handsome face can save that one. And what a face it is...

photo borrowed from www.enthunder.com. Please don't sue. I beg you.

**Another note, supposedly they're also remaking "Short Circuit." Once again, nothing from my childhood is sacred.
***Oh yeah, plus a "Romancing the Stone" remake. Now it's turned into a game to see who can find the most obscure '80s and '90s movies to redo. I love these movies and I wish they wouldn't ruin them for future generations...and me.

Boot Lust: damn you Asos

Can't lie to you, I'm a girl. Gasp! I thought you knew! Anyway, as a girl, I happen to enjoy shoes. But, as a self-proclaimed tomboy, I'm not talking pumps...I'm talking boots. Last night my best friend had to talk me down from the ledge from a state away. Her steady stream of "Don't buy them" texts almost didn't work...until I realized that I am still unemployed. But that's why I have a credit card, right? Right guys??? Oh c'mon. I assure you, they're worth it:

http://us.asos.com/Blink-Blink-Distressed-Lace-Up-Boot/vw1cu/?iid=1403698&cid=1931&sh=0&pge=0&pgesize=200&sort=3&clr=Grey&mporgp=L0JsaW5rL0JsaW5rLURpc3RyZXNzZWQtTGFjZS1VcC1Cb290L1Byb2Qv


So if someone had $45 just lying around collecting dust, I'm a size 7. Please and thank you.